IS COURTING A LOST ART?

Wiseman #1

In the traditional sense, within the context of dating, a common definition of the word "court" means: to engage in social activities leading to engagement and marriage. So to date someone, to court that special someone, was to do so with the intent to possibly marry. Today, marriage has been cheapened, trivialized, reduced to an empty act, and devoid of any significant spiritual meaning or emotional relevance. TV shows make a mockery of marriage, courtship and the overall dating process. Courting has become a casual nonchalant interaction with the act of "sex" being the ultimate aim or objective. In other words, dating is simply foreplay.

Pop culture via social media platforms has over emphasized a constant focus on physical appearance. Body mass index, hips to waist ratio, breast cup size, bicep, triceps and chest size, inch and width of the overall size of the penis. We have become mere "measurements" caricatures, distorted and physically abnormal, searching for the ever changing "new normal." In order to achieve that new normal, we have also become addicted and obsessed with surgical enhancements and augmentations. Large pockets of our populace aren't interested in enhancing themselves mentally and morally, or nipping, tucking and cutting away bad eating and drinking habits, recreational drug use, promiscuity, greed and selfishness. We're losing our desire to be authentic, intelligent, and compassionate human beings. We're losing our collective mental depth, and becoming a very shallow people. Almost animalistic, we eat (consume) sleep, mate (have sex) and fight (argue and break up).

The act of courting is definitely a lost art because many of us appear to be more interested in using each other for a temporary exchange of pleasure, rather than forming long lasting productive romantic relationships. We don't appear to be interested in our respective histories, life travels and experiences, sources of inspiration and creativity, likes and dislikes, cherished memories and beliefs and accomplishments and failures. To the contrary, we're strictly focused on an erotic encounter. The quick fix, hit and run, friends with benefits, and speed dating rather than courting. We don't care as much about what makes each other beautifully human. We only care about what makes each other reach an orgasm.
WM #1

 Wiseman#2

Yes, it actually is! Mostly everything in today's society is so fast paced that it is almost impossible getting to know the depths of another person. When things are not short, simple, concise and fast, we lose interest right from the start. I think many of us has forgotten what it means to court someone, and I also feel like the current generation hasn't been taught the value of courtship. In this day and age, we just don't go that extra special mile to show a person how much we like and desire them. We tend to skip the necessary stages when it comes to the development of a relationship that should be established with patience, respect, admiration, and trust which builds and sustains the union of two people. The shortcuts we have chosen to take is the reason why many of us are apprehensive when it comes to sharing our time and space with someone else because of the potential for failure.

I am reminded that the beauty of thoroughly getting to know someone through courting, enhances the chances for a successful relationship. This art has been lost because we have became too consumed on the external factors, that we pay very little attention to the internal ones. Our principles, purpose, hearts, faith and spirits has suffered greatly due to our inability to explore a person beyond the exterior. These inner jewels contributes to the direction we travel in life and the person we desire to travel that direction with. Without knowing the inner INTENT of that person, it is impossible for us to know if he/she possesses the ingredients to help build and grow a healthy and prosperous relationship. And the only way to uncover those immeasurable treasures is by getting to know that person INSIDE/out, as opposed to OUTSIDE/in which most of us are accustomed to doing! We must be able to connect with a person mentally, emotionally and spiritually so we can see if they are compatible enough with our inner core to begin a life with. We cannot skip the stage of introspection and expect to have a lasting and meaningful relationship with anyone.

We NEED to have a great deal of internal information and quality time spent with someone before we become physically involved with them only to regret it later on. Courting allows us to see beyond passion and lust which lives only for a moment, as opposed to love and purpose which will last a lifetime. Sharing our inner qualities, our good and our bad through the courting process gives us an opportunity to measure the validity of that person and his/her abilities to enrich us in some particular way. We must return back to this amazing process so that we can know what it feels like to work hard for something that has great value attached to it.

The restoration of the courting process will encourage us to build the kind of relationships that will endure to the end instead of crashing and burning at these alarming and astronomical rates. I remember the old adage, "you cannot do the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome." We must change something in ourselves to be successful in a relationship. The way we look, how much money we have, and the amount of fame we've acquired cannot replace the necessary sacrifices that are required for anything of value to be favorable for us and the person we seek to share our lives with. If we desire to have a meaningful relationship, then we must slow down a little and stop feeling like we have to be in such a hurry with everything. We can be better!

In closing, I will merely say, enough is enough! We all have enough sad stories of a relationship to last many lifetimes, let's try courting again so that we can turn those stories into beautiful and happy ones. WM #2

Wiseman #3

Courting, is that even a thing?! Of course I am kidding, at the same time ... is that even a thing? The term itself from this writers perspective is one of spiritual and traditional nuptials more so of, seemingly days of yore. In other words, that's some shit from granddaddy's generation.

I say so what if it is? Half of the marriages in this country end in divorce. I won't expound on why I think this is so, however, if we took the time in a deliberative way to know one another, then with deliberate dialogue make our intentions known, then maybe, just maybe we'd cut that divorce rate down at least some percentage points.

NOTE: The over simplification of courting was on purpose for time and space, besides, curiosity should make the reader investigate further.

Maybe we should do it how Grandma and Grandpa did it! Don't you miss that sense of stability? Now a days it seems as if the foundation of marriage is based on superficial B.S. How fine we look, money, and the ultimate, to lock each other down. Looks fade, money can always be made, and if you gotta marry someone just to lock them down, then you've got a problem before the marriage even happens, good luck.

Now don't think I've forgotten about love. How could I ever? When the love is strong it has a power that convinces us that marriage IS the goal. For the most part, this may be true. Yet, the courting process should not only cover that, but foment that to the degree where that love is just as deliberate as making the time to show affection. That love should be intelligent enough to anticipate bad times and have plans on how to power through those bad times. WM #3

Love should account for 30 years from now. It should account for potential weight gain or loss, sickness and health. It should anticipate growth and yes, even catastrophe. The courting process makes this all possible to contemplate before and with the intentions to marry. I say, if courting is not still a thing, it should be, let's love on each other...

BTW: I once heard a wise woman say: "A woman marries the man she chooses to be with; a man marries a woman he can't live without"

  Wiseman #4

Courting is a process period where two people are relating and getting to know one another. You are vetting the person to see if they are someone you'll spend your life with. So there's inquisition between the two people about their intentions. You engage one another about personal interests and commonalities. This assist in any decision that is concluded if there's compatibility.

I believe it's a lost art because most people are intertwined with short lived rendezvous with paramours. There's no real deep emotional connection, and when the exhaustion of that period arrive, we're moving on to the next conquest or flavor of the week. So it appears that there is no interest in being in love and having a mate to share life with.

Courting continues to get lost due to reality shows such as "married at first sight." This show doesn't afford a couple a period of gaining any knowledge of the person their marrying. They are catapulted in a situation that may be unhealthy for the couple. And, that's not to say that some of these situations aren't successful, but there are couples who aren't so lucky.

I believe there must be a process or period where people are courting to size one another up. We have to relate to one another before deciding if this is a person you want to be with. It helps to get the most out of a potentially beautiful relationship or marriage. Signing off WM #4